Blessings

It's been a busy couple of weeks. I returned back to work part time and  did that for three weeks.  It was good to go back slowly.  Last Tuesday we met with Doctors again.
After having an echo gram on my heart I was told my heart was good and strong an now I get to do agressive chemo on the 2nd of January.  Yeah.
Rosie, the PA said, "When you come in for your second treatment, you'll be all smug that you're feeling good and will have all of your hair.  A few days later your hair will start to fall out and you're going to be tired."  She suggested it would be good to purchase  wig prior to  losing my hair.  She said the hair loss for women is very difficult.
I told Dr. Ward that we are grateful for the things we are learning. He said that he hoped we felt the same after treatment was finished.  I expect our feelings about our learning won't change, the methods may be different and more harsh, but we'll still learn.
I decided it was time to go shopping for a wig.  I called my friend Jen Eborn to go looking with me.  Friday we set out on our adventure.  We started out at one shop that had a very good selection of wigs and I tried on about 7 or 8 wigs.  After finding one I liked I asked to look at color options.  I was not all that impressed with the clerk that helped me.  She seemed somewhat uncomfortable with the situation, but it being a wig shop you would think they would work with cancer patients regularly.  As we left I suggested we go to Creative Wigs. This brought a whole different experience. Michelle. the clerk, educated us to the different types of wigs, their fits, etc.  She explained how my head would go through changes and some of the things that could be done for my comfort.  She was very caring and after seeing the types of hairstyles I was looking for brought out 5 or 6 wigs to try on.  The first

one was the one that lit up mine and Jen's eyes.  It was the one and Michelle was so attentive she noticed the lit up eyes.  So the decision was made but I was still going to wait and give it thought.  Jen wouldn't hear of it.  She knew this was the one and after a insistent argument between us--the clerk refused to take my credit card in place of Jens and the wig was purchased for me.  In the return car ride home Jen explained her feeling, "I'm so angry about you having cancer, it's just not fair.  I just want to buy the wig to help me with the anger."  Whatever the reason, she really is an an angel>

Saturday was very productive as I completed all of my school assignments  and finished my finals.  I have contemplating school and trying to decide if I should put school on hold.  There are so many unknowns at this time and my focus needs to be on health and not completing assignments...  But what if I breeze through this...will I regret putting school in hold?  I think probably not.

Although Saturday day was good, night time was not.  Once Kelly was asleep, my mind began to race.   Okay--I'm going to lose my hair and probably my brows and eyelashes.  I've been assured that I will crash every night after work and that I shouldn't be sick with the help of medication, but there is no guarantee.  Reality had set in.  It was one of those nights that the tears began to flow, flow in great racking sobs for an hour.  It was, to say the least, one of my more difficult nights.  The next morning I woke with sadness.  I wasn't sure I wanted to face my friends at church, but receiving assuring words and a comforting hug from Kelly, I was ready to face the day.  He really is my hero and champion.

It was day to pay tribute to our Savior.   Our ward has started a new tradition.  The Primary children were followed by the Young Men and Young Women each sharing a Christmas musical number.  Five women in the ward had been asked to bear testimony about  favorite hymn they had chosen and the congregation sang the hymn.  I was perusing the hymns and was touched by the words of a hymn that soothed and healed my soul from the previous dark night. It was the second verse of "I Know That My Redeemer Lives".

He lives to grant me rich supply.
He lives to guide me with his eye.
He lives to comfort me when faint.
He lives to hear my soul's complaint.
He lives to silence all my fears.
He lives to wipe away my tears.
He lives to calm my troubled heart.
He lives all blessings to impart.

Once again, the Lord wiped away my tears and calmed my troubled heart.  I am so grateful to feel his love and goodness.  Once again, I am amazed and reminded that He is aware of us and our individual specific needs.   He has blessed me with knowledgeable, capable doctors, with amazing caring friends and family, an incredible hero husband and with His all knowing love and concern.  I feel so, so blessed and love my life.