Friday, November 15, 2013
It's an ANGRY kind of day!
Sometimes in
life I have decided it is okay to be angry. It is okay to be frustrated
and it is okay to shake my head in disbelief. It's okay to question
true friendship and ask the question 'why'? It is okay (and healthy) to
acknowledge this very real emotion. Today is one of those days for a
couple of different reasons.
Life hands us ups and it hands us
some downs too. When you think you have it all going and you are happy
and content and feeling good about this or that, you quickly get a dose
of reality and you are quickly brought back to the realness of that
reality. When you have trusted and shared different life dreams and
goals with some, they quickly remind you just how rotten and selfish
life has become.
The definition of anger is simply put:
noun: anger; plural noun: angers
1. a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility.
Today
I have a few spots of pure anger...pure displeasure and complete
hostility and annoyance but I want to just vent on one of those.
I
have a friend. A friend who I love and cherish deeply. I have a friend
who I wouldn't wish a single bad thing to ever happen to her and if
something bad did happen to her, I would be willing to step up to the
plate and take it all away for her. This friend of mine has touched the
lives of so many but more importantly she has touched my life and heart
for the better. Why am I so angry about this friend today? Well...
My friend has Cancer.
And
I am angry. I am sad. I am very annoyed and have so much displeasure
that she would be faced with such a trial in her life. She is not who
deserves this at all! My friend and her husband are the most genuine and
most real people in the world. They are the most giving, the least
selfish, the most amazing and incredible human beings out there and the
fact that they are being put it the face of adversity like this
infuriates me as a friend. I want to erase it all and if I could, I
would bear this burden for her, no questions asked!
You know what
is most amazing about this whole thing? My friend has taken this
diagnosis and all of the ugly steps that have already come her way and
with a smile on her face said "I want to be an example through all of
this" and never questioned why. She has stated to me that she wants to
be an example of what strong faith is capable of doing. She wants to
show that through her faith, she will be sustained. And I believe her.
My friend and her husband have continued to serve others and have
continued to try to teach others that cancer doesn't shut down a life
but rather it builds those that are directly affected along with those
that are indirectly affected. My friend has had poise and strength
beyond words as she has had to make grand decisions about steps to take
all being done in a very short time span. My friend has continued to go
to work everyday and has continued to serve those around her while all
of us are wondering how we can best serve her. Her husband? Man do I
love and admire him! He loves his wife more than ever and you can just
see it in his eyes. Whenever I get a chance to talk with him you can
feel the hurt he has and the sadness that his beautiful wife is
experiencing this but you also feel the love and compassion that he has
and the desire that he has to make this whole thing as painless, simple,
and care free as possible for his wife. Their relationship is solid and
one that I look up to and strive to become more like.
I could
come up with lots of reasons to be angered today. I could allow words
written, spoken, emailed, texted, and/or heard behind a back infuriate
me to a state of unbearable anger today. I could allow friendships to be
extinguished and I could allow dislike and annoyances fill my heart
today with what I have learned of some of these 'friends' but I won't.
At least not today...today my heart is full of anger that I can't do
more to help take away the burden of a dear friend. I find myself
digging deeper inside myself than I ever have to be a tool for my Savior
so that I can know what it is she needs and when it is that she will
need it. And not just her, but her husband too. They are after all, one.
Anger...it is very real. It is very raw when at the surface and
it is very justified and healthy to experience such emotion. Today, for
many reasons but with just one being touched on here, anger exists
within my soul.
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