Decisions

Dr. Nelson, my surgeon, called yesterday with the news that there is a 2nd mass in the breast and there is no way of knowing whether it is cancerous without another biopsy while doing an MRI. The options are to do the MRI/biopsy and then a lumpectomy or a mastectomy. We really were hoping for guidance from the Doctor, but when asked what he would do if it were his wife, he placed it right back into our hands. It's a personal choice and each surgery is a viable option, but this decision has to be made by me. It really is a personal choice, but this choice will be life changing. How do we make such a difficult decision? We've gotten as much information as we can at this point and discussed the pros and cons of each option.

 I keep saying WE and I know that this decision is ultimately mine, but I value Kelly's guidance. He is my best friend, has only my best interest at heart and I need his insight. We decided to each think about the options and discuss it when he returned home from his interviews. Kelly and I discussed the options and what my feelings were. Those feelings were leaning one direction, but with each passing minute would change. As we retired to bed, I thought I knew what to do. I knew that I would need the guidance from our Heavenly Father. It was important for me to have confirmation from him that my decision was and is the correct one. It was also important for me to know that Kelly received the same confirmation. Mormon taught us that Alma "labored much in the spirit, wrestling with God in mighty prayer, that he would pour out his Spirit." It truly has been a wrestle to make this decision. After my night last night, I think I have a greater appreciation for this teaching, for I truly labored to receive an answer. I wrestled with God to know his will and to have the courage to follow his will. I awoke at 1:30 this morning feeling very nervous wondering, "Will I have the courage to call Dr. Nelson and say Mastectomy? Is this the right answer? I know Heavenly Father knows the beginning and the end. He knows me, a daughter of God and being such I'm given strength and power.

Morning light came as did the answer. My burden is lighter with the answer that the mastectomy followed by reconstruction is what needs to happen. Kelly received the same confirmation and as the day has progressed this wonderful peace provided by the Savior's Atonement has continued to fill my soul. I am so grateful that I don't have to be alone in this decision. I have the guidance of a wonderful, supportive husband and even more I can turn a loving Father in Heaven that wants only the best for one of his children.