The unknowing is the hardest.

I'm told that there is a mass that we're concerned about, we're going to do an ultrasound. During the ultrasound the Doctor finds that he wants to do a biopsy. Forty five minutes later I'm sent home with the instructions that, "you should have the results in three to five days". The waiting and the unknowing are the worst and these are the longest 5-6 days of my life. During this wait, I have many hours to contemplate my life and what it will look like in the future. I rehearse my past in my mind thinking "Is there something I could have done differently or that I would like to go back and change?" Of course, being a mortal being there are always things we wished we could do over, but that's just not possible, so once again I rehearse, "Am I living the life I was intended to live right now?" I come to the conclusion that I am at peace with who I am and the life I have led and am living. Now the question, "How is my faith?" Thankfully, God blessed me a strong faith while I was yet very young. That faith has been strengthened over many years of trying to serve Him the best I can. Faith, I have really learned this month, is a gift. A gift from a loving Father and as we act on the small amount of faith we are given, he grows and strengthens it. And yet, there is that little twinge of "Do I have the faith to endure this cancer with courage and optimism. As I have contemplated this experience my mind as gone to the scriptures. Mark 9:24 specifically has strengthened me as it teaches about a father that brought his child to the Savior to be healed. The Savior asked the father if he believed that all things could be done if he believed. The father cried out with tears, "Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief." This has been the feeling of my heart as we waited and waited. Help thou my unbelief. Kelly has been a complete and total strength to me as we waited together. The Lord has been with us. We have felt his calming power in our home and in our lives. I especially have felt the Spirit work within me. It's important to understand that trials are meant to refine us and help us become the people God intends us to be. I love how Lehi teaches Jacob, one of his younger sons, this lesson. 2 Nephi 2:2 Lehi says to Jacob "thou knowest the greatness of God; and he shall consecrate thine afflictions for thy gain. In my scriptures I have the word "consecrate" circled with the notation of "make holy". As we faithfully endure the trials of this life the Lord will make our lives Holy. They will need to be holy to return back and live with him. Isn't that what we really want--to return and live with Father, As A Family? I know this is the beginning of several months of building for our family. I am grateful for a supportive, priesthood husband, for the love of wonderful children and the strength of superb grandchildren. The Lord has also blessed us with fantastic extended family and there are no better friends that those in our lives. This great support system will sustain us as we experience this together as a family.