January 3-11 And so it begins

With a headache I went to work on Friday.  It was our Bishops' mailing and I was anxious to get it done to be prepared for the future days.  My body was very tired and I pushed to get the work done. much harder than I should have.  The headache lessened as the day wore on, but the fatigue increased.  Despite the fatigue, Kelly and I walked the track at the gym for 15 minutes.  The remainder of the evening was spent resting.  Jen and Tyler Eborn brought in a very welcome and delicious meal.  Bedtime came early as well as morning. Saturday morning as Kelly went out for his morning ride, tore off the passenger mirror (250.00).  Not a good way to begin a morning.  I was still very fatigued, but knew I needed to keep moving, so I went for a ride with Kelly to pick our repaired our snow blower (350.00 later).  Returning home and realizing our microwave was kaput, we found a replacement at Home Depot.  (265.00 later).  I spent the rest of the evening addressing Christmas Cards and feeling increasingly worse.
Sunday morning came upon us and I was in not shape to go to church.  Thankfully, Sara Mallett had agreed to be my side kick and be prepared to fill in last minute for me.  I literally spent the whole day and evening in bed, hopefully allowing Kelly to fulfill his priesthood responsibilities.  Sara and Annette dropped dinner of Clam Chowder for the following day.  I was no longer just fatigued, but had a very deep and recurring cough deep in my chest.  Drugs did a good job of keeping me sleeping, but I had not yet caught on to the regimen of anti nausea medication to keep in in check.  I praised myself for drinking plenty.

Monday was a very slow day of arising.  I knew it was important to get up and get moving, but had no desire to do anything but stay in bed.   I overcame the temptation and went to work.  The cough was not good and I was completely fatigued.  I worked for 6 hours with 2-20 minute naps provided.  As I arrived home, I wrapped up in my blanket and laid down.  Kelly came home and I felt completely lost.  I just did not feel at all good.  He took care of me by making dinner and cleaning up.  He then wrapped me up in my blanket on our love seat and wrapped himself around me to get me warm and comfort my nerves and my heart.  He once again was my hero.  I went to bed at 6:00 and slept until the next day at 12:00.  Finally a call was placed to the Huntsman, Doctor Ward's nurses to let them know what was happening with my body.  During all of this time, I had not had a fever just knew that I didn't feel well.  Michelle asked many questions and determined I needed to be seen at Critical Care Clinic.  Kelly had meetings that evening and I asked my friend Elaine George if she would be available for several hours to escort me to Huntsman.  She gladly agreed.  The Nurses and NA's took good care as they took many vitals, checked my fluids, my temperature, etc.  I still did not have a fever.  It did turn out that I was very dehydrated and needed fluid and my nausea was not under control.  The Doctor filled me up with Zofran in the IV solutions.  I was taken for chest x-ray to make sure there was no pneumonia.  None was found.  A swab was done to check for influenza.  By the time the first IV was complete, I was feeling better.  The second IV increased my energy as well.  I even felt like eating a half turkey sandwich.  I really had had no idea how bad I was really feeling.  The Doctor and Staff at the Acute Clinic were amazing and educated us very well.  The Doctor also educated me as to how to take my anti-nausea medicine and stay on top of it and to drink, drink, drink.  I asked what I could do to make sure that I get enough fluids and was told that sometimes chemo will just take the fluids right from you and if drinking is not enough, to come back and acute care will fuel me up.

I have so many wonderful friends and am so grateful for any of many that would be willing to spend a girls evening in the hospital.  Kelly joined us for an hour and then went to an amazing meeting with our new area authority Elder Evans.  Elder Evans was quite surprised that he was in the meeting given I was in the hospital.  I firmly believe that we need to keep his life as normal as possible during this crazy time in our lives.

Thursday came and went with little incident, slowly recuperating and working 6 hour days, until we received a call from the Doctor and nurse informing me that the result for flu came back positive.  I had influenza A and any in my home would need to be treated before the symptoms presented.  Kelly got a flu shot and then picked up the $130.00 prescription.    It had definitely been and expensive $1000.00 week. I had a week of highs and lows.  I was really hoping that this first round of chemo would come without incident, that I would have some time to gear up for the fatigue and nausea.  Not so,  we started off quickly with illness.  I told Kelly that we are on a learning curve and this whole experiences is going to be learning time.  However, I was grateful it came back as the flu and not chalked up just to the chemo.  I appreciate the protector he is and the care he is taking of me.

Our sweet friends Kelly and Dawn brought Chinese food and a movie to watch.  We watched "Unitards" which was completely hilarious.  It was so good to watch something to bring laughter. After Killpacks left, I found Kelly sitting in his recliner head in hands, feeling completely overwhelmed.  I left him to his thoughts to answer a telephone call.  It was from Elder Evans personal secretary.  He wanted to express the concern of Elder Evans and his staff and let us know that they would be remembering us in their thoughts and prayers throughout the weekend.  I gave the phone to Kelly to hear the message for himself.  We retired to bed both in tears.  When we are feeling very low, the Lord in his infinite wisdom prompted his servant and minister to call our home.  HE knows us.  HE knows when we are feeling low and overwhelmed.  We have a testimony of our saviors tender mercies in each of our single, individual lives.  He manifests himself regularly in our lives and we are ever mindful of those mercies!

January 2, 2014--Infusion Day

Of all of the experiences I had up to this point, this was the one that made me the most nervous.  I had so much information, had heard so many stories and understood that every person's experiences are different so it's difficult to determine what mine was going to bring.

We began with a visit with Dr. Ward reviewing all the previous information making sure we have an understanding of what's facing us.  My blood work had been done previous, so this time would not need to be drawn.  Heidi, the nurse walked us down to the 2nd floor to introduce us to the infusion floor.  The Huntsman is such an amazing hospital with amazing staff and every time I go there am overwhelmed by their care and concern.

It was explained to us that the infusion room is set up in pods with six different infusion chairs in each pod.  It's a very beautiful room with comfortable chairs, TVs, and all the comforts for their patients.  Very Amazing.

We were introduced to our infusion nurse Brittany.  The port was GREAT.  Brittany pushed in that little needle and we were on our way.  The port needed to be checked to make sure it was working properly. YEAH!!!!, it was and then flushed with saline.  All very technical and then it all began with our friend, anti nausea medicine, followed by antibiotics.  These all took about 10-15 minutes each.  So begins the the really important stuff.  The nurse gowns up in their radiative gear (just kidding), but seriously protective gear to protect them from the heavy chemo they administer every day.  The first chemo begins with 3 tubes of Adriamycin that individually are administered into the port by the nurse.  Each tube takes about 15 minutes.  The port is flushed with saline and the second chemo Cyclophosphamide is hung via IV and takes an hour to complete.  The process is once again followed by a saline flush aaaand we're done with NUMBER 1.
Kelly, with the camera, made sure he got a picture of this day.

Brittany talked almost the whole three hours, once again explaining the processes that were going on and what to expect.  Kelly and my head were on overload and were ready to explode by the time we left.  Kelly actually had to get and walk away for some distance for a few minutes and give his head a breather.

Our Social worker Lisa Gauchay paid us a visit when we arrive at infusion and spent a half an hour talking about concerns.  I love, so much, that she spends time engaging Kelly and getting a feel for where he is at and allowing him to voice his concerns and feelings.

We decided on Noodles and Company for dinner.  Found my mew favorite there "Thai Hot Pot Noodles".
The evening didn't carry on as well.  I began with a terrible headache that carried through the evening and night till noon the next day.  However, all in all the day went well and we were both grateful to have number one under the belt.!!!!!!

December 27, 2013--Port Day

I'm very far behind in all of my posts, but am feeling somewhat better and will try to catch with the date in the title.

After visiting with the Doctor, he sent in the big guns, his nurses to check out my veins.  They both agreed that I had good veins in both arms, but asking what they would do if it were them, they made the comment that every nurse there would have a port put in.  The decision was made, port it would be.  Friday, December 27th right after Christmas, the port was installed giving the site time to heal before the 1st chemo treatment.

Of course, we can't visit the hospital without some of Kelly's goofiness.

Kelly's new style

 And of course, we can't pay the hospital a visit without another, just lovely and becoming picture of me, in all of my glory!!!

Every thing went successful.  Now I have two hard things in my chest.  The expander on the right the port on the left.  I'm not complaining, mind you.  I think I will be glad the port is there.

Kelly, of course, always my right hand man and comedic relief.

Family Christmas

We met once again at Kelli and Doug's home. We ate dinner of ham and cheese sandwiches, salads, pork n beans, and chips. Christmas is really about spending time together and visiting. We opened gifts and all were accepted. We played a few games, but mostly visited. Some of our missionaries gave me bags of bracelets and so I let each of the girls choose one they would like.  Photo's follow. 

Stephanie, Josalyn, Nichole and Shaelynn

Bambi and Jessica

 My Bracelet

Kelli Jo and Raistlyn

The exciting gift is yet to come.  Our children are putting together a heritage photo album that is heartwarming, full of love and laughter.  We have amazing children and grandchildren and I am always amazed at their creativity.  It was a wonderful relaxing weekend. Kelly and I were able to spend the time with Bob and Joyce Hynek, catch up briefly with some old friends and drive to Idaho Falls and spend some time with Grandpa Hynek. At 100, we just never know how much longer we will be able to spend with him.  His keen memory is amazing and the story he shares are from years ago.  It was just a wonderful weekend all together.

 

ME AND MY GIRLS---SORRY WE'RE MISSING STEPHANIE

The following is a post from Bambi on Facebook and it really touched me.
BAMBI HARMAN:  What an amazing weekend with my family! I am in awe of the display of tenderness I watched from the men in my immediate family this weekend. I have watched my father become the man my mother always knew he could be over the course of the last twenty years (yes it's taken THAT long). This weekend I took note of the way he held her hand, the way he looked at her like she was the most precious thing in the world to him, and I felt more love for him in those moments than I recall ever having in my entire life. Then last night as we were opening gifts as a family my dad sat on the couch next to my beautiful sister in law and I over heard him ask her "is that son of mine treating you right?" She answered that yes he was. Tonight I watched my brother hold his wife on the couch as we watched a movie together. When the movie was over he picked his tiny little bride up and carried her up the stairs to bed, her arms wrapped around his neck, and I thought "yes, after five kids and almost fifteen years together, he certainly is still treating her right".

Christmas

Christmases have changed for Kelly and I over the last few years.  Sometimes we are in Pocatello with family, other times we are at home with each other.  This was one of those years.  Thankfully we have made some very  close friends that include us and we always receive an invitation from Kelly's cousin to join them for dinner.
Sunday, December 22nd, we joined Kelly's extended family for a Christmas dinner and gathering.  Aunt Javann includes us every year and we enjoy spending the evening with all of them eating and catching up. Because we have spent so much time with Dennis and Vickie, their kids think of us as Uncle and Aunt not cousins.  I'm grateful for their love and their willingness to include us.

Christmas Eve was spent with our dear friends, the Pilchers.  They have become our surrogate children and grandchildren.  When we feel we need a grandchildren fix we go to Pilchers.  Every Christmas Eve they have Waffles for dinner and this year was no exception.  We were invited to join them and took along Grandma Harman's candy syrup.  We enjoyed a lovely dinner, cleaned up and while Dad, Mom and and the three older children played a game, Kelly and I entertained their one year old, Quincy.  She was great fun.
Christmas morning arrived and long gone are the very early morning arisings.  We slept in.  Well, I slept in--Kelly never sleeps in, but he ĺaid back down and we reminisced for a few minutes before getting up.  Each of us had read the Christmas story found in Luke 2 and were touched by different learning.  This year as I studied the Lord gave me new perspective of each character and how each of their roles apply in our individual lives.  I love how the Lord teaches me.
Santa was very generous to both Kelly and I.  We each received just what we requested.  I think my favorite gift was a new pair of black boots, although I loved everything.  Once the gifts were opened, we joined the Killpacks for German pancakes, bacon and sausage.  Like I said we have some very sweet, inclusive friends and family.  It was decided that we were all going to the movie that afternoon.
After showering cleaning up we made a trip to our friends, the Eborns.  They have been so supportive and offered so much the past few months, I wanted to give them something special to remember this time in life, but that story is for another time.
W ventured from there to pick up the Killpack girls and headed to see "Savings Mr. Banks".  It was a great story about the author of Mary Poppins, PL Travers, Walt Disney and the making of Mary Poppins.  A story of transformation and healing and really quite amazing.
Age is catching up to us and with the busy day we were ready to relax.  Upon returning home we enjoyed frozen pizza for dinner and watched "It's a Wondeful Life".
Through out the previous Christmas weeks our home has been visited by many bearing many sweet and thoughtful gifts.  It has reminded us of Kelly's five years as Bishop.  This year, however, we were remembered by ward and stake members. How wonderful these Magna Stake member are!!!
We retired to bed having been filled with the love of many and the joy of the holidays.

Blessings

It's been a busy couple of weeks. I returned back to work part time and  did that for three weeks.  It was good to go back slowly.  Last Tuesday we met with Doctors again.
After having an echo gram on my heart I was told my heart was good and strong an now I get to do agressive chemo on the 2nd of January.  Yeah.
Rosie, the PA said, "When you come in for your second treatment, you'll be all smug that you're feeling good and will have all of your hair.  A few days later your hair will start to fall out and you're going to be tired."  She suggested it would be good to purchase  wig prior to  losing my hair.  She said the hair loss for women is very difficult.
I told Dr. Ward that we are grateful for the things we are learning. He said that he hoped we felt the same after treatment was finished.  I expect our feelings about our learning won't change, the methods may be different and more harsh, but we'll still learn.
I decided it was time to go shopping for a wig.  I called my friend Jen Eborn to go looking with me.  Friday we set out on our adventure.  We started out at one shop that had a very good selection of wigs and I tried on about 7 or 8 wigs.  After finding one I liked I asked to look at color options.  I was not all that impressed with the clerk that helped me.  She seemed somewhat uncomfortable with the situation, but it being a wig shop you would think they would work with cancer patients regularly.  As we left I suggested we go to Creative Wigs. This brought a whole different experience. Michelle. the clerk, educated us to the different types of wigs, their fits, etc.  She explained how my head would go through changes and some of the things that could be done for my comfort.  She was very caring and after seeing the types of hairstyles I was looking for brought out 5 or 6 wigs to try on.  The first

one was the one that lit up mine and Jen's eyes.  It was the one and Michelle was so attentive she noticed the lit up eyes.  So the decision was made but I was still going to wait and give it thought.  Jen wouldn't hear of it.  She knew this was the one and after a insistent argument between us--the clerk refused to take my credit card in place of Jens and the wig was purchased for me.  In the return car ride home Jen explained her feeling, "I'm so angry about you having cancer, it's just not fair.  I just want to buy the wig to help me with the anger."  Whatever the reason, she really is an an angel>

Saturday was very productive as I completed all of my school assignments  and finished my finals.  I have contemplating school and trying to decide if I should put school on hold.  There are so many unknowns at this time and my focus needs to be on health and not completing assignments...  But what if I breeze through this...will I regret putting school in hold?  I think probably not.

Although Saturday day was good, night time was not.  Once Kelly was asleep, my mind began to race.   Okay--I'm going to lose my hair and probably my brows and eyelashes.  I've been assured that I will crash every night after work and that I shouldn't be sick with the help of medication, but there is no guarantee.  Reality had set in.  It was one of those nights that the tears began to flow, flow in great racking sobs for an hour.  It was, to say the least, one of my more difficult nights.  The next morning I woke with sadness.  I wasn't sure I wanted to face my friends at church, but receiving assuring words and a comforting hug from Kelly, I was ready to face the day.  He really is my hero and champion.

It was day to pay tribute to our Savior.   Our ward has started a new tradition.  The Primary children were followed by the Young Men and Young Women each sharing a Christmas musical number.  Five women in the ward had been asked to bear testimony about  favorite hymn they had chosen and the congregation sang the hymn.  I was perusing the hymns and was touched by the words of a hymn that soothed and healed my soul from the previous dark night. It was the second verse of "I Know That My Redeemer Lives".

He lives to grant me rich supply.
He lives to guide me with his eye.
He lives to comfort me when faint.
He lives to hear my soul's complaint.
He lives to silence all my fears.
He lives to wipe away my tears.
He lives to calm my troubled heart.
He lives all blessings to impart.

Once again, the Lord wiped away my tears and calmed my troubled heart.  I am so grateful to feel his love and goodness.  Once again, I am amazed and reminded that He is aware of us and our individual specific needs.   He has blessed me with knowledgeable, capable doctors, with amazing caring friends and family, an incredible hero husband and with His all knowing love and concern.  I feel so, so blessed and love my life.

Thanksgiving tenderness

This picture taken by our daughter Bambi is so tender to me.  Kelly is my sweetheart and our life's experiences have deepened our loving relationship.  He has been the person I have turned to for strength during this whole ordeal.  My desire is that we can be an example of devotion to each other and to our family.  That our children and grandchildren can see eternal life through that love and devotion.

We are learning some incredible life's experiences together and the Lord's spirit has sustained us.  Monday Kelly made the comment that, "I hope that I don't lose the spirit we have felt during the past few months."   I  certainly agree.  It really has been quite amazing.  I lay in bed each night and thank Heavenly  Father over and over again for the blessings of feeling his spirit wrapped around us and for the calming spirit that attends our home daily.  I can't imagine going through something liķe this without a testimony and a positive attitude.