Thanksgiving

This was to be the year we had Thanksgiving at our home.  I love having my family at our home and was so excited to share time with them again.  We knew that I would be recuperating from surgery and would not feel up to cooking Thanksgiving dinner and I knew that I would be tempted to do too much if our family was at our home.  Kelli Jo willingly offered to host dinner at her home.  She is such a great hostess and loves to have her family at her home as well.

She worked hard to have everything ready.  I felt completely helpless and everyone was going to make sure I did nothing.  I did manage to help with the relish tray.  Yeah me!

TJ's family had had a stomach bug a couple of days prior to Thanksgiving and unfortunately Stephanie was suffering from the bug and she wasn't able to join us.  There were 24 of us which included our immediately family, my Mom and Hugh, my nephew Zach and nephew David with his wife Kristin.  Following dinner, we visited and enjoyed being together.  We typically play games, but after a long day of travel, eating   and visiting I was ready for rest.  Kelly and I went back to the hotel and stayed there the rest of the evening.  I missed spending that sweet time with our family, but realized that healing is important as well.

Grandpa and Shaelynn playing Tic Tac Toe

Joslynn and Dad taking a break!!!

Mom and her Sweetheart Hugh.

Raislyn and Joslynn

Grandpa and Joslynn

I wanted to share this awsome post from my friend, Jennifer Eborn

Friday, November 15, 2013
It's an ANGRY kind of day!
Sometimes in life I have decided it is okay to be angry. It is okay to be frustrated and it is okay to shake my head in disbelief. It's okay to question true friendship and ask the question 'why'? It is okay (and healthy) to acknowledge this very real emotion. Today is one of those days for a couple of different reasons.

Life hands us ups and it hands us some downs too. When you think you have it all going and you are happy and content and feeling good about this or that, you quickly get a dose of reality and you are quickly brought back to the realness of that reality. When you have trusted and shared different life dreams and goals with some, they quickly remind you just how rotten and selfish life has become.

The definition of anger is simply put:
noun: anger; plural noun: angers
1. a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility.

Today I have a few spots of pure anger...pure displeasure and complete hostility and annoyance but I want to just vent on one of those.

I have a friend. A friend who I love and cherish deeply. I have a friend who I wouldn't wish a single bad thing to ever happen to her and if something bad did happen to her, I would be willing to step up to the plate and take it all away for her. This friend of mine has touched the lives of so many but more importantly she has touched my life and heart for the better. Why am I so angry about this friend today? Well...

My friend has Cancer.

And I am angry. I am sad. I am very annoyed and have so much displeasure that she would be faced with such a trial in her life. She is not who deserves this at all! My friend and her husband are the most genuine and most real people in the world. They are the most giving, the least selfish, the most amazing and incredible human beings out there and the fact that they are being put it the face of adversity like this infuriates me as a friend. I want to erase it all and if I could, I would bear this burden for her, no questions asked!

You know what is most amazing about this whole thing? My friend has taken this diagnosis and all of the ugly steps that have already come her way and with a smile on her face said "I want to be an example through all of this" and never questioned why. She has stated to me that she wants to be an example of what strong faith is capable of doing. She wants to show that through her faith, she will be sustained. And I believe her. My friend and her husband have continued to serve others and have continued to try to teach others that cancer doesn't shut down a life but rather it builds those that are directly affected along with those that are indirectly affected. My friend has had poise and strength beyond words as she has had to make grand decisions about steps to take all being done in a very short time span. My friend has continued to go to work everyday and has continued to serve those around her while all of us are wondering how we can best serve her. Her husband? Man do I love and admire him! He loves his wife more than ever and you can just see it in his eyes. Whenever I get a chance to talk with him you can feel the hurt he has and the sadness that his beautiful wife is experiencing this but you also feel the love and compassion that he has and the desire that he has to make this whole thing as painless, simple, and care free as possible for his wife. Their relationship is solid and one that I look up to and strive to become more like.

I could come up with lots of reasons to be angered today. I could allow words written, spoken, emailed, texted, and/or heard behind a back infuriate me to a state of unbearable anger today. I could allow friendships to be extinguished and I could allow dislike and annoyances fill my heart today with what I have learned of some of these 'friends' but I won't. At least not today...today my heart is full of anger that I can't do more to help take away the burden of a dear friend. I find myself digging deeper inside myself than I ever have to be a tool for my Savior so that I can know what it is she needs and when it is that she will need it. And not just her, but her husband too. They are after all, one.

Anger...it is very real. It is very raw when at the surface and it is very justified and healthy to experience such emotion. Today, for many reasons but with just one being touched on here, anger exists within my soul.

Treatment plans

Tuesday marked the day the second drain was removed.  I must say that Kelly and I are very impressed with the plastic surgeon, Dr. Agarwal and his team.  I've been told that he is one of the best in west. They treat us with respect and concern.  In a situation that can be very immodest they make their patient, me, feel very modest.  I appreciate the care they share with me.

At Kelly's suggestion I called Dr Nelson's surgeon nurses and asked if there was a way to see the Oncologist on Thursday.  I was scheduled to visit Dr. Nelson and he was presenting my case to the Cancer board that morning.  Jill called me back within minutes with an appointment just after Dr. Nelson's appointment.

Thursday, with some anticipation, we made the trip across the valley.  Once again we were treated with concern and care.  Dr Nelson shared the consensus with us and indicated that we would have this repeated several times that day.  We feel very blessed to have had him as my surgeon.  He was a past chief of surgery for his department and is very good at what he does.  Doctor John Ward was assigned as my Oncologist and he too was director of his department, the Huntsman Oncology department until 2012.  
I was first examined by the PA, Rosie.  She was very thorough in her exam and also in her efforts to get to know us.  She asked how long we had been married, where we met, how many children, what we both did for a living, and more.  Following Rosie, we were visited by a social worker, Lisa.  She also spent time getting to know us.  She was with us for 20 minutes.  I was very impressed with her concern, not just with Kelly and I, but with all of our family.  She made the statement that, "This is an emotional time for your whole family and is a family disease.  If at any time your family needs to talk or vent, please give them my phone number and tell them to call.  We are concerned not just for you, but for your whole family."  I was touched.

It was now time to meet Dr. Ward. A very pleasant man.  His first statement, "I'm here to learn about the Magna Bishops' Storehouse. My ward is assigned to go to Welfare Square."  We then spent the next 25 minutes talking about our personal life, work, church, family.  After getting to know us and repeating what Rosie had learned about us, he shared the pathology report and the discussion of the cancer.

The tumor was 2.3 centimeters, just slightly larger than a small tumor (2 cm).  This would put me in a little different category.  The cancer in the tumor was an aggressive cancer and the margins were good, but very, very close.  There were cancerous cells in the tube from the breast to the lymph nodes.  The sentinel and one other lymph nodes were removed and were clear of cancer.  Good news.  Rosie made the statement, "We caught this in the nick of time.  It's good you didn't wait."  For that I will be forever grateful.  Doctor Ward said that Doctor Nelson had probably gotten all of the cancer with the surgery, but in a case like mine he would recommend an aggressive treatment of chemo.  He said, "You're young and healthy and we want to decrease any chance of a recurrence of the cancer.  Rosie and the Doctor determined it would be best for me to heal a bit more from the surgery and that after the first of the year would be best to start treatment. January 2nd will be the first treatment of 8 every other week for 16 weeks.

We will meet again with Dr. Agarwal on December 17th, share the treatment plan, and determine the plan for the next surgery.

Friday I had a very difficult day, experiencing pain from muscle spasms caused by the expander pressing on the muscles.  This has been a regular occurrence since the surgery and something I've tried not to complain about, but Friday I had just had it.  I hadn't slept well for two nights because of the discomfort and discouragement was mine all day.  Thankfully I slept well that night and Saturday was much better. 

As I've contemplated chemo I feel a little nervous.  So we poison ourselves to cure ourselves.  It seems a bit odd that this is how it's done, but I will be grateful for a long healthy life when cured.  Yes, once again, it seems all so surreal.  In my whole life, I never anticipated that Cancer would be a disease I would have in my life.  But really, does anyone?\

Doctor Agarwal has given me the okay to return to work 4 hours a day on Monday.  I anticipate being very busy and am a bit apprehensive of returning. I have come to love being home although have not been very productive.  Someone made the observation that I must going stir crazy, and I responded that you have to feel good to go stir crazy and I hadn't felt well enough to go stir crazy.



I'm grateful for the Minky blanket I was given to keep me warm and comfortable, especially as I anticipate the coming couple of months. Thank you to my sweet friend Sandy Jensen.  I now have three fun blankets to curl up in.

Catching Up

Friday, the 15th Terry and Elaine George invited us to dinner.  They picked us up at 6:00 and after paying an emergency visit to the dentist for Kelly we ventured to a Brazilian Grill.  It was a restaurant recommended by the George's daughter.  As we drove into the parking lot, Kelly in his warped sense of humor said: "Hey this is the appropriate place to have dinner before Tammy's mastectomy---The Braza Grill. Funny.  You gotta love him.  It was delicious food and such a delightful evening of conversation with some very dear friends.
Saturday the 16th found us very busy cleaning house, catching up laundry and shopping in preparation for the coming week.  Dinner was spent at one our favorite restaurants, The Mandarin.  Another evening of good food and sweet conversation with our friends, Jen and Tyler Eborn.  Good friends spent time with us to keep our minds occupied.  We are blessed with soooo many good people in our life.

I haven't really blogged since just after surgery, so I need to catch up.  It seems like I've done a lot on nothing the past couple of weeks, which is okay.  I get up in the morning and depending on my physical and emotional feeling, get dressed--or not. Since I had missed getting my homework done the week of surgery I spent last week catching up.  I really enjoy learning and have felt it a real blessing to be able to go back to school, but during the past two weeks, I have had to give myself pep talks to do the work.  The Book of Mormon class has given me focus on faith during a time it has really been needed.

We have had many phone calls of concern and love.  We literally did not have to make dinner for two weeks straight.  On Sunday evening the Relief Society Presidency from the Pleasant Green Spanish branch stopped to visit.  Our Stake Relief Society President was visiting at the same time.  These beautiful Spanish sisters wanted to share a message with me and they sang "Count Your Blessings" in Spanish.  What a sweet message.  When asked if there was something they could do for me, I responded by telling them that we were well taken care of and were good.  Sister Maria Canales said; "Sister, please let us serve you."   Okay, so how can you refuse such a sweet offer.  We were treated to Mexican dishes for the next three nights. YUM!

Fruit Bouquet from Georges

Flowers and plants were sent to brighten our home.  Elaine George decided that she wanted us to have something yummy to eat and sent a fruit bouquet.  It was delicious and delightful. 

AGC Roses and Rose plant from Jeanene Olsen

Storehouse & Garner Plant

Putt Bouquet

Home Health

I was blessed to have my own home health nurse at my home in my daughter.  KelliJo and her family sacrificed so that she could come and spend the week caring for my needs.  I honestly don't know how I would have gotten through the week without her help.  She was great company at the hospital with her Dad as they waited through the 4 hour surgery.  
She doted over me throughout the week, emptying my drain bags, making sure I had meals, got plenty of rest, took my medicines, and greeted guests as they came,  Christmas is my favorite time of the year and I was concerned about getting my Christmas tree and some of my Christmas items put out.  KelliJo and my friend Sandy Calder put my tree up and put out some of my decorations and so we get to enjoy the Christmas feeling this year.

 I was strong and healthy enough and comfortable enough to stay alone when she left on Saturday.  I felt very blessed to have had her here.