Seven down, one to go.

It's been a tough couple of weeks.  I thought having the transfusion would help me have more energy immediately, but it actually took several weeks to feel better.  Needless to say, I have been discouraged.  THIS IS HARD!  I've felt bad because I have been complaining to Heavenly Father about how hard this is.  I'm sure I have wearied him with my discouragement and yet he always sends those things that I need to strengthen me.

March 23rd was our Ward Conference and I am so glad I felt up to attending my meetings.  Sacrament meeting was so uplifting and I was strengthened by the messages I received.  Bishop Zito spoke on "True Believers of Christ".  He referenced a talk by Elder Neal A. Maxwell that outlined 13 characteristics of a "True Believer of Christ".  Because it's important for me to remember these I am going to share them and share some of my own thoughts.

1.  The true believer has struck a balance between being too content with himself and being caught up in the equally dangerous human tendency of wishing for an enlarged and more important role.  Alma said, "I ought to be content with the things which the Lord hath allotted unto me.  (We need to find the balance in our role in life.  The Lord has given me many unexpected opportunities to serve in life and that service has taught me that the important thing is not where you serve, but to serve with commitment and diligence, to serve to the best of my ability.)

2.  The true believer has some Jethros in his life to give him needed and sometimes hard counsel.
And Moses' father in law said unto him.  The thing that thou doest is not good.
Thou wilt surely wear away, both thou, and this people that is with thee: for this thing is too heavy for thee; thou are not able to perform it thyself alone. (Ex. 18: 17-18)

Do we have Jethros who can speak to us with that kid of directness and yet be humbly received by us?
Furthermore, since a Jethro may be anywhere, do we listen "down" and "sideways" as well as "up"?
And (Naaman's) servants came near, and spake unto him, and said, My father, if the prophet had bid thee do some great thing, wouldest thou not have done it?  How much rather then, whom he saith to thee, Wash, and be clean? (2 Kings 5:13)
Naaman, fortunately, decided not to overlook "underlings".  Notably, though Naaman expected a dramatic display of healing, he was cleansed by doing a seemingly routing thing.
(I need to be willing to listen and heed hard counsel from my parents, children, others I may serve with, as well as leaders.)

3.  The true beleiver has a sense of proportion so that Martha-like anxieties do not crowd out the Mary-like choices.
And Jesus answered and said unto her Martha, Martha thou art careful and trouble about many things.
But one thing is needful; and Ma:y hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her. (Luke 10:41-42
Martha was not the last conscientious Church member who was confused about priorities.  ( I find that when I have company I am concerned about serving them and making sure they are fed and taken care of.  I am learning that it's okay to enjoy their company and leave the dishes.  Ministering is far more important and nurturing friendship is a type of ministering.  This is one example I thought of in my life)


4.  His personal prayers are not the easy, casual petitions--like the one of which the Lord said, "Behold, you have not understood; you have supposed that I would give it unto you, when you took no thought save it was to ask me. (D&C 9:7)  The true believer's prayers, at least some of the time, are inspired petitions.  (This experience of cancer has helped me to be better at praying, but I know I have further to go to be where the Lord would expect me to be.)

5.  The true believer has both right conduct and right reasons for that conduct.  He is so secure in his relationship with the Lord that his goodness would continue even if he were not seen of men.  He would fill is role in the Church even if there were no mortal taking of the roll.  (Many times I have asked myself the reason for acts of obedience.  Is it for this or that reason, or because I love the Lord.  I try to reconcile my reasons because I love the Lord.  These questions to myself are a good check for myself.)

6.  When professionally, associationally, or even in Church service, he may seem to have been "put out pasture, the true believer can still say of the Lord (and mean it). "He maketh me to lie down in green pasture" (Ps 23:2).   (We are accepting of the Lord's will for us.)

7.  When he is misrepresented, misquoted, or misused, he still loves and prays sincerely for those who despitefully use him.  ( I have learned in the last few years, especially through the leadership callings I've served in, to prayer for some pretty mean and petty sister.  I have learned to love them and recognize wonderful talents within them despite the meanness.

8.  When someone seems to surpass him spiritually and does his "thing" even better than he, he genuinely rejoices and gives them heartfelt and sincere praise.  he never regards colleagues as competitors.  (This is an ongoing learning process, but Heavenly Father is helping to see the value in feeling joy in someone elses accomplishments.)

9.  The true believer remembers that forgetting is a dimension of forgiving.  It is Lordlike: "I (will) remember (their sins) no more (D&C 58:42).  He really helps others to get deservingly reclassified, and, like the Lord, does no "mention" their past mistakes to them.  (Ex 18:22).  (There has been forgiveness that has been required in my life and when I have truly forgiven, it seems that Heavenly Father has helped me to forget much.)

10.  The true believer is careful about giving offense or causing others to stumble.   (My first manager at the storehouse, Kelsey Ruse, was a great teacher of this principle.  He used to say often, "Our words should be as wise as a serpeant and as harmless as a dove".  I learned to follow this counsel and my words are thought out more carefully and without guile.  Thank you, Kelsey for one of your many lessons).

11.  The true believer insists that within deprivation there may be opportunity.  He can wait for the unfolding of opportunity hidden within tragedy, as did Joseph anciently.  When in their later Egyptian rendezvous, Joseph lovingly reassured his anxious brothers, "But as for you, ye thought evil against me, but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive. (Gen. 50:20).  So often, before we can save others, however, we must first be shaped and refined.  (Most church leaders have had very difficult circumstances in their lives.  These experiences are meant to refine.  Joseph Smith in Liberty Jail at one point was so low and discouraged and the Lord taught him so well when he was counseled, "all these things will give thee experience..."  We are the recipients of his experience and counsel that we can be taught to learn from our own experiences.  The Lord has a plan for each of us.)

12.  The true believer is growing in his patience, including being patient in following the living prophets.  he knows that trying to get ahead of the Brethren is a sure way of falling behind.  (We are seeing this in our society so much right now.  Many church members are trying to give our prophet and apostles counsel instead of heeding their counsel.  I have a testimony that they are Men of God and of their witness.)

13.  He is ready to follow the Lord into soul-stretching experiences even if it means enrolling the schooling of suffering and paying his tuition.  (Job was a prime example of paying his tuition.  Heavenly Father taught me at a young age to pray in gratitude for the soul refining experiences the Lord allowed into my life.  These experiences, when allowed, have helped to sanctify my life and make it Holy.

As I listened to Bishop's talk, I felt less discouraged.  The Lord allowed me to know that I am a true believer.  That whispering of the spirit brought comfort and peace and was confirmed by our Bishop.  I requested to know where to get a copy of Elder Maxwell's message.  He texted me the link with this message,  "By the way, I would consider you to be an example in our ward of a true believer in Christ.  Thanks."  It is always good to have a reminder that we're good enough and to feel the Lord's love through the spiritual messenger and a physical messenger.


My sweet friend Kathi Sanderson agreed to spend the day with me at the Huntsman today, March 27th.  She said, "The day is yours."   I have been blessed with good friends.  It's my next to last treatment and I'm grateful to be almost finished.  It was the usual routine.  Labs, doctor, lunch and infusion.  Kathi and I spent the afternoon chatting and laughing.  Kathi and I play Ruzzle (to which I lose 99% of the time) and we spent a lot of time playing back and forth on our phones.  Funny how that technology entertains us humans now a days.  It's been good to be with friends and family during these infusion days.  They help to keep my mind occupied and they have met any of my physical needs while there (filling my water bottle, helping me to the restroom, etc.).

Kelly stopped by to see how things were going and true to his nature, he kept us entertained.  Tawny (my favorite nurse in infusion) stopped by to harass Kelly.  They are pretty good at harassing each other.
  

Transfusion help

March 14th---transfusion day.   It was helpful to know why I had felt so run down and crummy for the last few weeks.  Low red blood count.  I drove myself to the Huntsman on this day knowing that I would be okay to drive home.  I was hoping to be able to sleep while there, but I was feeling a little anxious and there were many interruptions.  The transfusion team was a really good team and I appreciated their kindness.

The transfusion took 5 hours and I was happy when it was complete and I was on my way home.  Rosie indicated that by my next appointment my red blood count should be up to 32 or so.  Here's hoping.  Interesting side note---my skin had been very pale and it ended up with some color back in it.

I had had such a rough week and I received a beautiful spring flower arrangement from one of Kelly's customer's Lori Odell.  She experienced the thing called cancer and she sent a message, "You're almost done, Hang in there.  The flowers brightened my desk for a week and our home for a week.  Lori had had breast cancer. (A side note: she had a recurrence of cancer that took her life). 

Low Red Blood Count

Dawn Killpack said, "Tammy, I would really like to take you to one of your treatments.  It worked out that March 13th was the best day for her to take me.  She took the day off work to take me and I was grateful to be with her.  The labs went well again with no problem with the port, thank goodness.
We met with Rosie to find out that my red blood count was very low.  Red blood count should not be below 26 and mine was now at 23.  She said that at some point during the week it was probably down to 20 or 21.  I believe I can even tell you the day day---Monday.  I could hardly function that day.

She gave me two options--1.  put off infusion for a week and allow the count to come back up or 2.  have a blood transfusion and still do infusion.  Rosie suggested waiting for a week, but I felt I needed Kelly's input.  He gave wise counsel when he suggested that by having a transfusion, I would have energy sooner.  I really did not want to put off treatment for even one week and then after talking to Kelly I knew that I wanted to do the transfusion.  The infusion would be 4 hours and the infusion would take 5 hours.  The two could not be done on the same day in case I were to have an allergic reaction to one of them.  We continued with the infusion and the transfusion was scheduled for Friday.

The neuropathy was still going strong in the hands and feet and so the chemo was cut by 10%.  We'll see how much that helps during the coming weeks.

Time had slipped away because of the decisions to be made and so Dawn and I went up to the Bistro and grabbed lunch to take with us to infusion.  It seems that I don't watch much television when doing infusion.  It's just so much more fun to visit and chat with the friends that have been kind enough to take me. I love this lady!!!!

My nurse for the day, Sid was fun and unique.  Each time I have seen her in infusion, she is wearing unique jewelry or hairwear.

Lynda and laughter

Lynda Erickson, my missionary friend from the storehouse, was my escort on February 27th for my treatment.  She makes the room come alive when she enters in and today was no exception.  We began our day at 11:30 driving to the Huntsman.  After I check in we are called back to the Lab Room.  Lynda videoed the whole ordeal and then found out later the recording didn't work.  The nurse and Lynda were both hilarious.  Lynda asked Barbara if she was putting air into my port.  Babara thought she was kidding and, of course she wasn`t.  We both explained that if it were air being added I would be dead.  Barbara began making up and singing a song and then just kept adding to it. ? Don`t remember the words, but Lynda has most of them and will be sending them to me.

We had a great lunch together "shrimp ceveche tacos" before infusion. Probably the best lunch I've had at the the Huntsman. During Infusion we just talked and laughed.  It was a very long day, but one that was enjoyed very much. Love you, Lynda.  



The nurse for the day was Gary.  He was nice.  Tawny was the floor nurse and she got the IV started and spent time visiting with us.  She really makes the patients feel at ease.